Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
And how about these great advertisements:
Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
Vacation Special: Have your home exterminated.
Illiterate? Write today for free help.
Stock up and save. Limit: one.
Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experienced preferred.
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first.