Joseph: “lilmod, after that explanation, why your differentiation on this point for NY/NJ?”
Because NY/NJ is considered the center of the American Jewish world in general and the American Jewish dating world in particular. If someone lives in a far-out non-typical place, it makes sense to say that she should have to travel for dating. However, if the girl is already in NY/NJ, I don’t see why she should have to travel.
In Israel, if the boys lives in Yerushalayim and I live outside Yerushalayim, I would expect to travel to Yerushalayim, but if I lived in Yerushalayim and he lived outside of Yerushalayim, I would expect him to travel to Yerushalayim.
As I wrote in my original post, I am sure some will disagree with me. I realize the NY/NJ point in particular was subjective, but that is how I feel.