Reply To: Ladies First – Is it respectful or not?

Person1: “Joseph it’s clear to me that the rambam didn’t c”v mean to say that a wife should treat her husband like a master in her. -actions-. Do you think he was trying to fix men up with lifelong slaves? That makes me shudder!

What he meant was that this is the way that a wife should treat her husband in her heart! That she should respect and admire him to such extent that he’ll be a like a king in her eyes.

If a wife feel that way towards her husband in her heart, I’d imagine serving him drinks might be one way she’d express that feeling.

But if a wife is -required- to serve her husband drinks, and is not doing so as a result of her admiration of him, the only thing she’ll be thinking is “I’d like to spill this on his head”. And that’s the only thing you might achieve from asking woman to serve drinks and open doors.”

Person1, well-said!

I think that there is a reason why the husband’s obligations to his wife are brought first. If he shows her love and respect, she will WANT to treat him like a king, and they will have a beautiful marriage! Maybe you are right, Joseph, and that will include opening doors for him if that’s so important to him, but it has to come from her and not from him. If he focuses on the first halacha (his obligations to her), then she will want to fulfill her obligations to him.

If it’s really important to him that she open doors for him, maybe she should open the door for him, but it has to come from her, and that will only happen if he is focused on his obligations to her and not his to her. There is a reason why Rav Arush gave such a strict warning to men not to read the women’s book!!! (much stricter than the warning to women not to read the men’s book)