Joseph:
If you open your eyes and look around you you’ll see many frum families where the wife has a lot to say on everything that happens in the house. They are not all sinners or feminists. In fact, when I read stories about gdoley israel it’s clear that some of them had wives who had a lot to say on many things. They are also not sinners, baaley toeiva or feminists.
Here’s how I see it: the Rambam only talks about the wife. He doesn’t say anywhere that the husband is obligated to be the dominant one. Please let me know if any of your sources say anything about the husband being obligated to be dominant.
So if the husband has made a decision but his wife won’t listen to him, I can see how that’d be a problem according to the Rambam. Or, if the husband made a decision, but he listens to his wife because he thinks men and women should have an equal saying on everything – I can again see how that’s a problem.
But if the husband is just not cut out to be a “king” or a “commander”, and his wife is the one managing the house simply because she is more dominant in her nature, I cannot see how that’s a problem at all. In general if for any reason the husband wants his wife to be the one who have a word about some subject, there’s nothing wrong with that.