Reply To: Ladies First – Is it respectful or not?

As Person1 correctly pointed out, nowhere does the Rambam suggest that the husband has to “dominate” his wife. The obligation lies on the wife to TRY to do what her husband wants. If her husband doesn’t mind if she does not live her life that way (as in Wolf’s case), it certainly is not a problem.

I have a friend who is very into the concept of “ish keshaira oseh ratzon baala” and she very much lives or tries to live her life that way. But you know how many times I have seen her not doing that? She is a normal person with a normal (although unusually good!) relationship with her husband. She tries to live up to this, but she and her husband are realistic about it. Her husband is a normal person who is happy to be married to someone normal.

And she is someone who is coming from the type of background/mentality which make it more natural for her to live her life that way. Yet she still doesn’t expect herself to be like that 100%. Kal v’chomer if someone is not coming from that type of mentality.

And again, if the husband is happy for her not to be that way then it is fine. Actually, in that case, “doing what her husband wants” would anyhow mean not being like that. So in Wolf’s case, Mrs. Wolf actually is fulfilling the dictates of the Rambam by not living her life that way.