DY – “This statement of yours answers the others. If someone is not ready to get married, why should that pater them? For the simple reason that the marriage will likely not work out!”
You misunderstood my point. I was being Melaned Zecus on why almost e/o waits till 18 years of age; I wasn’t saying it’s clear from the S’A you can. After 18, I felt you have to give them some time to look for what they put on their list, but this is my thinking -who said the S’A would agree with me.
One thing has nothing to do with the other. Being too immature for marriage isn’t the same thing as I don’t want s/o 20 years older.
“Until then, the rabbonim obviously don’t feel that the chiyuv to get married forces one to get involved in an ill advised marriage (and obviously feel that it’s consistent with S.A.)”
This statement is totally farfetched. No where does the S’A even come close to saying this. Like I previously posted the S’A is very specific what type of potentional husband you can deny yourself from marrying. Sorry, an ill advised marriage isn’t one of them (age gap). As a matter of fact, the S’A uses a totally different reason for Zakain and Yalda, the reason is because of Zenus. If the S’A agreed with you about ill advised marriage, why pick on Zakain and Yalda, any age gap like a 20 y.o. to a 40 y.o. would suffice? And most importantly, why come up with a new reason of Zenus, just quote the Braisa in Yevamos that says age gap can cause Ketotoh. So it’s obvious the S’A didn’t hold your Putter because the marriage is ill advised.
“I think so, but I wouldn’t push them into what would likely be a bad marriage.”
You aren’t, but the Torah is pushing them into an ill advised marriage that might end up bad.
“I know of an older single girl who on several occasions was close to getting engaged. She had reservations, and spoke, each time, to an adam gadol. She was not told to simply get married because she has a chiyuv! If she had a legitimate concern, the rov she spoke to told her not to marry him!”
I don’t even know why you brought this story -I’ve posted many times that the S’A specifically lists a few different reasons why a woman can deny a potentional suitor. Perhaps this guy had one of those problems. But, sorry to inform you, age gap isn’t one of them!