Reply To: Who wants to be a Tzadaikes like Rus?

Bina – Why would you comment on my post, if you didn’t read the whole topic? Did you ever hear something called Shiva Devorim B’golem? I was discussing at what point is a woman Oiver the Issur of not being married. I wanted to say at least not until 22.

“also, a woman, from my understanding, does NOT have a chiyuv to get married.”

This is totally not true, even though I brought above one Shitta who holds this way. She doesn’t have the Mitzva of Pru OORevu, but there are two other possible reasons of why she has to get married. Btw, where did you hear this -from your husband, your friends or did you learn this in school?

“if anything, it would solve more problems if guys would be willing to date girls a year or 2 older than them than if girls would marry a guy 10 years older. (i do know many girls who were older who did marry guys who were a bit younger than they were).”

My point was never to solve the Shidduch crisis, but to discuss options in order for people not to Be Oiver the Issur of not being married!

” the girls also want to be happy and to find the things that they are looking for. just because they are older than 22 when they get married does not mean that they will not be able to have a nice-size family and find their equal in a husband.”

I hope everybody is happy in their marriage. But if a girl is 22 or older and not like you that had 80 guys lined up ready to go out, why not broaden their horizons a little bit? As a matter of fact, I feel that they have a Chiyuv to do this because why Al Pi Torah do they have the excuse why they aren’t married now. If they answer because nothing is Tzugepassed, well did they try older men? Saying a person 20 or 30 years older is not Tzugepassed because of their age doesn’t apply acc. to the S’A.

Also, even younger men, why are they saying no because it’s not Tzugepassed, is it because of something they dreamt up and put on some list or is it because of a reason the S’A says you can say no? It’s not a Hefker Velt, after awhile of looking for what’s on your list, you have to settle. And I don’t agree that the girl has to be 40 -50 y.o. before she has to do this. I believe the Torah requires this quite soon after the time to get married, which btw is not 18, but around 12 -12 1/2. Ok, maybe you can push it off till 18 in our generation because of maturity, but you can’t keep pushing it off and off, year after year!

Also, who decided that they will be more happy if they wait around 20 years and then settle, then settling at a younger age? Not e/o is like you and gets married in their 20’s and it’s putting your head in the sand to say to e/o – No, wait – I/you can do better. I know women who are now in the 40’s or 50’s and aren’t married. Some of these girls were top girls but why aren’t they married now?!?! If ch’vs, they never get married, what are they going to answer in Shomayim? What if the parents/friends told them not to take anything and they shouldn’t settle, what are these people going to answer in Shomayim -why they prevented so and so from getting married?