Joseph – that sounds reasonable in theory, but in practice it is not always possible. Many people think that getting married should be the #1 priority, but l’maaseh, it can’t be. Earning a parnassah is more of a priority than getting married. I can’t just decide that I am going to stop working because I need time for shidduch hishtadlus, because meanwhile the rent needs to be paid and I need to eat.
And the same is true to a certain extent with some of the other things you mentioned. Maybe getting married is the most important thing, but meanwhile I am single, and I need to have friends and to be happy and functional and t/f to spend at least some time on socializing, etc.
And as Yeshivabochur pointed out, the difference between hishtadlus for shidduchim and for other things is that you don’t see direct results of your hishtadlus, and with the other things you usually do. If I call a friend to shmooze for an hour or three, I will have gotten something out of it (unless she doesn’t answer the phone, in which case I will have only lost one minute). If I go to work, I will most probably get paid. But if I go on a date, all I gain is a lot of wasted time, wasted energy and extra stress in my life.
That’s one of the reasons I would prefer to actually DO something on a date; that way I would at least have fun and I would actually gain something from the date even if I don’t like the guy, but most people don’t do things on dates.