Lenny: “nishtday, per The Jewish Press, “controlling” is when the husband yells at & puts down his wife because the bathrooms weren’t cleaned well enough or the shabbos dinner is not edible. It’s like abusive type of mind-control. I’m very libertarian & the opposite of controlling. The funny part was the Rabbi thought controlling meant making my kids play baseball when they were little instead of playing video games because I was “controlling” their activities.”
Lenny, in common usage, the word “controlling” can be used in many ways. Personally, I use the word “controlling” very differently (and much more liberally) than you do, and I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. The word “abuse” as well can be used in many different ways. What is important here is that your wife feels that she is being controlled and abused, and therefore it is an issue that has to be worked out.
In terms of the way you treat your kids, your wife clearly thinks it is problematic even if you don’t. She may be right or you may be right, but it is definitely something you should speak about to and get feedback from a professional, if you care about your kids. Just the fact that the two of you have different views on the topic is cause for concern and something that needs worked out.
In terms of the baseball/video games example, that is the type of thing that really depends on the precise context -exactly what was said and how, and what your children are like, etc. It can be controlling or it might not be, and there is no way for anyone to know who doesn’t know all of the facts.