Lenny, I don’t know the details of most people’s divorces. All the people I am talking about have Gets. I did not know (until I read your post) that a civil divorce is considered Halachic grounds for divorce. That may be the way that many of the people that I know got divorced, and that may explain why I have never heard of a case in which the Beis Din refused to grant a divorce.
I agree with ZD that it is not worthwhile to stay married to someone who does not want to be married to you, and I think you should take his advice to heart. I think that in most cases in which one person wants a divorce and the other doesn’t, the other one usually realizes (perhaps with some help from the Rabbanim or therapists involved) that it not worthwhile to refuse to grant the divorce and to insist on remaining married when the spouse doesn’t want to. That is why there are relatively few agunos around.