Lenny, these halachos are intricate and complicated. There aren’t many websites specializing in these halachas in English. (One site I referenced that does deal with it wasn’t posted by the mods.) Hence I referenced Shulchan Aruch. But Rabbi Dovid Eidensohn in Monsey can answer all of your questions. He also has a “Shalom Bayis Beth Din” that you can lookup. His goal is restoring a couple’s shalom bayis.
Also note that, despite its unfortunate prevalence, it is forbidden for a Jew to bring a divorce dispute to a non-Jewish/civil court (as it’s forbidden in any dispute, for that matter.) If a civil case is filed contrary to halacha, a beis din could potentially freeze the issuance of a Get until the offending party withdraws the civil case and undoes any gains obtained there.