Reply To: obtain a beis din's preliminary ruling without actually going to a beis din

To answer some of the comments & questions raised, there’s no actual abuse taking place; verbal or otherwise, as none could be identified in the meetings with our Rabbi. Lilmod, how would u know if the differences can be worked on or not without counseling? Abba_S – our Rabbi is a disaster in my opinion. About 11 yrs ago, he advised me to address my wife’s complaints of her being unhappy; whether real or imagined. I maintained then, as I do know, that I just can’t make my wife happy. We’re not hurting materially or anyhting like that. We have great kids, etc… My Rabbi would argue that you can only change yourself; u can’t change the other person. Okay, but if a wife has a semi-decent husband, great kids, health, no money issues etc… & she’s miserable as all can be, how can I turn her around? Doesn’t she have to do that herself? He said that I wasn’t getting it. He maintained I can’t ask her to change. I can only change myself. In my opinion, and I could be wrong, our Rabbi is actually making matters worse by not advising wife she should count her blessings as opposed to making unrealistic demands. My wife has stated if she’s unhappy, it’s my fault and I have to figure out how to make her happy. I really think my Rabbi has brainwashed my wife. They seem to have similar irrational positions.