“And a beis din cannot order a divorce be given, when it is unwilling, unless halacha specifically specifies those circumstances qualify for a mandatory divorce… As far as “encouraging” a divorce be given, of course there is more latitude if the circumstances justify it. But at the end of the day if he decides he doesn’t want to get divorced despite being encouraged to do so, and halacha is that he cannot be forced (as you admit), then he is under no obligation to do so.”
I wasn’t talking about ORDERING a divorce. I am talking about a situation in which it is clear to the Rabbanim involved that there is abuse and they tell the guy that he should get divorced and he refuses to listen to them. I didn’t say that they can force him to do so. That is the whole point – they can’t force him, and he can decide to be stubborn and cruel and refuse to give a get. That is exactly why such a person should be encouraged to get divorced and not encouraged to refuse to do so.
“All my last number of comments have been speaking generally and not to the OPs specific circumstances, since no one (you included) has enough information about them to render an opinion, let alone a judgment. Keep that in mind when reading my above comments.”
I will be “dan l’kaf zchus” that this comment comes from the fact that you are a guy and not a girl. I think that one of the differences between the way that men and women think is that women think in terms of context and men don’t. In some ways it’s a maaleh and in other ways it’s a chisaron. That may be why men learn Gemara and women generally don’t, because it may be better for learning gemara. On the other hand, women are usually better at relationships because they think within contexts.
In this situation, you can’t remove the context. This thread was not about a theoretical halachic discussion. Those are better left for the Beis Medrash. It was about Lenny’s specific situation and what he should do if the Rabbanim determine that there is abuse taking place and tell him that he should get divorced. You are right that we don’t have all the details, but: 1. I was talking about if in fact they spoke to therapists and Rabbanim and they recommended a divorce, and 2. There is a lot that can be surmised from what Lenny wrote (but you’d probably have to be a girl to be able to see it).
I think that one of the reasons that people sometimes get upset by your posts is that you don’t consider the context and how people will understand your posts.
Anyhow, I’m happy at least that you confirmed my limud zchus that you weren’t thinking about the context.