Lilmod, I know many wonderful chareidi people who I truly admire and respect. Those who are balanced and moderate have only my admiration.
That being said, there are too many people like Joseph and the like in the chareidi communities I’ve seen and lived in to ever be comfortable in such a community. Unfortunately, there is also a growing number of people who are becoming more and more extreme.
I have found a beautiful community, baruch Hashem, with people who overall give priority to both bein adom laMakom and bein adom lachaveiro and basic human needs too, and don’t trample on people, don’t subjugate women to the whims of power-hungry, egoistic men – all in the name of Hashem, of course.
I don’t know if this story is true, but I have heard it said that when Rav Ahron Kotler was asked what would be the greatest challenge in the coming generations, he said it would be the perversion of Torah. And sadly, this seems to be coming true on both ends of the spectrum.