I am happy that you’re getting help resolving your marital problems and I agree with the rabbi that it’s futile to remain in a marriage if your wife wants a divorce. Saying that there reason you want to stay married is because of the reason listed in this thread, is like when my kids did something and I ask why did they do it They reply because everyone says it’s okay and I say if everyone jumped off the roof should you do it too. That is why the rabbi is telling you to forget about what anyone is saying. If you had said that the reason you want to stay in the marriage is for the kids or for financial reason I think he would be more accommodating.
Your wife was prepared with a written list of her grievances. You need to be prepared for example, when you meet the marriage counselor you may want to bring up your concerns concerning the children and finances. You need to be prepared so you will need to consult with a divorce lawyer and financial planer. They will help you make your case as to why divorce is not the best option. I also think that once you both decide to divorce you need to explain it to the children before the get is given.
Wishing you the best, it’s your choice, but I think your better off moving on with your life rather then live in an unhappy marriage.