I think you marriage is salvageable and take Enough Divorcess’ advise and call Rabbi Simcha Bunim Cohen. He is a rabbi in Lakewood NJ and ask him for a referral to a good marriage counselor. You need a second opinion the Rabbi in Lakewood that you spoke to is a specialist in Jewish Law but a generalist when it come to Sholom Bias, family relationship, you now need a Sholom Bias specialist.
The reason I think your marriage is salvageable is because even though your wife has been complaining for years she has never taken the final step of trying to divorce you so with the right counselor your marriage could be saved. Is you family worth it? Call him for a referral. Wishing you the best, no matter what you do.