Lenny, I am still not sure why you want to remain married to your wife, why you feel that it would be a good thing to not give her a get when that is what she wants?
Are you willing to honestly and openly address her concerns and not brush them aside as unimportant? As you have said, she reported different issues to your Rav over the years, but they do not seem to have been taken seriously and dealt with by you. That is the first thing you must do. If you do not come to a resolution of those issues, then the marriage will always be contentious. Who needs that?
Do you have small children still? Even older children at home? Do you follow the belief that an intact marriage is the best way to raise them? If so, then make it a happier marriage. You must be willing to give in on issues. If she is steadfast on her issues, then either you don’t see her as your partner or you don’t care for what she has to say.
Either way, you should get out. Find someone who does agree with the way you see things in life and make a life with them. Both you and your wife will be much happier. How many people on this site have said that you should give her a get if that is what a Rav tells you to do.
Why does it need to be that only if a Beis Din tells you are you willing to listen. Yes, they are the only ones who can order you to give it, but why can’t you take the advice of one Rav (you already have more than one who tells you to give her a get)? Are you going to go hopping from Rav to Rav until you find someone who agrees with you? So far, while not saying that your wife is right, everybody with whom you have spoken has said that you should give her a get.
So, again, what’s the point of staying in such a marriage?