LB- it sounds like you definitely need guidance. Do you have any kind of mentor, therapist, Rabbi, or Rebbetzin who knows you well, has a good sense of psychology but also is knowledgeable in Torah (or at least knows enough to be able to guide you)?
It sounds like a Frum therapist or at least a therapist who is sensitive to religious issues (and maybe would be able to consult with your Rav to help determine what you should and shouldn’t be doing right now) is something that you definitely need right now. Honestly, I think that is the real issue here. It sounds like maybe the Coffee Room has become a kind of replacement for a therapist for you. And that is not a good idea.