I am making a general statement that in no way is directed at any specific Rav. Rabbonim, by virtue of their position or their scholarship, are not necessarily qualified to guide or advise in matters of shalom bayis. That is said, because it would be divine to be able to obtain such direction from a talmid chochom. Having said this, there are many who have great experience, and have hearts of gold that make them terrific resources. They may not replace a therapist or professional, but can certainly be an asset to the resolution of a difficult situation.
There are certain mitzvos that we hope do not come to fulfillment. For instance, ???? ????? occurs in a tragedy. All of the laws of aveilus follow losses. Well, so is the parsha of gett. It is not pleasant, and nearly always involves conflict. But it is a mitzvah to divorce according to the dictates of halacha if that becomes necessary.
There is a major distinction here, and it is often overlooked (and seems to be missed in previous comments here). One can approach a Rav to pasken a shailoh. And when asked for a psak, the rav should provide that. In many cases of divorce, the question is asked whether a husband is obligated as per halacha to grant and give a gett. And often, the answer is that he has no chiyuv. That is the letter of halacha, and a psak that differs is not accurate. However, a Rav is also in a position to inquire about an eitzoh – advice. This Rav must then guide for the ultimate good, as per his understanding of the matzav. Many of these failed marriages would best be ended, and both parties free to pursue their lives independently or with new partners. Often a marriage cannot be reconciled, even if there is no halachic obligation to give the gett. Many wise rabbonim give their psak, and follow it with words of advice. Yet, recalcitrant men claim to be holier by following “halacha”. It is sad in these cases that the halacha of ????? ???? ????? cannot be mandated.
Let’s return to the term “get refusal”. It has more than one meaning. One is the strict halachic definition. If such a husband was not required by psak halacha to give a get, this definition would not apply. But as a mentch, one would be justified in fearing this fellow. It is often the ultimate abuse to chain a woman in a relationship that prohibits her from continuing her life alone or whatever other intentions she may have. The saichel is quite simple. “I do not want to stay married to someone who does not want to married to me.”
Yet, there is another arguable point, and has merit in some cases. The divorcing wife has several resources. The abuse claim, whether honest or not, is usually thrown at the husband, and gets a high score on the believability index. It is easier to ruin a man’s reputation than a woman’s. The custody battles more often favor the mothers, as do the controls that limit visitation and maximize financial awards against the fathers. For such cases, the men have few cards to play, and many choose to withhold the gett. I do not agree with them, but can often understand.
Can anyone start a trend of posting pleasant topics that do not stir up these completely negative subjects with all the hot emotions that follow?