Lenny1970,
Avram, if you’ve ever known a wife who has checked out, you would know your solution is more polyanic than anything else. But thanks anyway.
In reading through your posts to this thread, we find that:
1. Upon being told by a rav to do more to make your wife happy, you retorted, “how”? And 11 (!) years later, you still have no answer.
2. Upon “finally” hearing why your wife is so angry with you (that’s much different from “checking out”, by the way), your reaction is to discount and minimize her feelings, calling it “dumb stuff.”
3. When encountering slight difficulties, such as Rav Simcha Bunim Cohen not returning your call, or $150 counseling fees, you didn’t follow up, even though what supposedly is the most important thing in your life – your marriage – is on the line.
4. Almost every interaction with your wife you have described involves some form of coercion.
I don’t know if your wife has “checked out” or not. We haven’t heard her side. But it seems like you have checked out of the marriage yourself, and not recently.