Lenny1970 -“We’re not in counseling b/c I see it as pointless if she’s giving me the silent treatment to include taking separate cars to counseling. So given what the posters”
The first thing you should do is go for counseling yourself!
Now two things can happen – either she’ll see that you’re trying and go for her own counseling and then the two of you can get marriage counseling or she’ll continue with the divorce.
Either way, the way you’re handling it now, e/o here doesn’t believe that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to save your marriage!
It really doesn’t matter whether you go to Bais Din first or second.
The impression e/o here has of you – it’s either your way or the highway!