First and foremost I just want to point out the fact that you want to grow in emunah. That alone is something to recognize and be proud of. Not too many people consciously strive to grow in emunah on a daily basis, and the fact that you do makes you someone very special and someone you (and your parents) should be proud of. I think that it also means that deep down you truly do believe in Hashem and yiddishkeit.
Anyway, I really agree with chizuk1 that you should speak with a Rav or someone else who not only knows about different areas of emunah but also knows and cares about you. Explaining such critical dimensions of Judaism shouldn’t be limited by chatroom word count limits and faceless posters.
Good luck in your journey in learning about Hashem, emunah, (and probably a bit about yourself too), and I’m sure everyone here is rooting for you to succeed.