Reply To: Jokes

A doctor in Chelem answers

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.

Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t

waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up

your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can

extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?

Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay

and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more

than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.

Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass

(green leafy vegetable).

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,

that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even

more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms

up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to

one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular

exercise program?

A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…

Good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!….. Foods are fried these days in

vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting

more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around

the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You

should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me ?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO! Cocoa beans! Another vegetable! It’s the

best feel good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me!

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had

about food and diets.

And remember:

‘Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of

arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather

to skid in sideways — Chardonnay in one hand, chocolate in the other

— body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO!

What a Ride!’

AND…..

For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on

nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those

conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks

than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than

Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine & suffer fewer heart attacks

than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart

attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats

and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like..

Speaking English is apparently what kills you!!