The Diet Guide to the Jewish Holidays:
Rosh Hashanah
Feast
Tzom Gedalia
Fast
Yom Kippur
More fasting
Sukkot
Feast for a week +
Hashanah Rabba —- More feasting
Simchat Torah
Keep right on feasting
Month of Heshvan
No feasts or fasts for a whole month. Get a grip on yourself.
Hanukkah
Eat potato pancakes
Tenth of Tevet
Do not eat potato pancakes
Tu B’Shevat
Feast
Fast of Esther
Fast
Purim
Eat pastry
Passover
Do not eat pastry for a week
Shavuot
Dairy feast (cheesecake, blintzes, etc.)
17th of Tammuz
Fast (definitely no cheesecake or blintzes)
Tisha B’Av
Serious fast (don’t even think about cheesecake or blintzes)
Month of Elul
End of cycle.
Enroll in Center for Eating Disorders before High Holidays arrive again.
A rabbi was waiting in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
Selma Epstein, a very gracious old lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother Herman in another part of the country.