Enough Divorces: It is true that there are cases in which people could work things out, work on their middos, etc but there are also cases in which there was nothing to do, and divorce was the right solution.Do most cases fall in the first category or the second category? I’m not sure how anyone can know the answer to that question. Each case is different, and most of the time, most people do not have enough facts to be able to judge what should have been done. There are way too many factors, and most people really do not know any of them.
On an individual level, if you know someone who is divorced, your obligation is to be “dan l’kaf zchus” (judge favorably) and assume they did the right thing (especially since you really have no way of knowing).
It is not against the Torah to say that there are good reasons to get divorced other than physical abuse. There was a Tanna or an Amora who got divorced just because his wife wasn’t nice to him. We are not Catholics – we do believe that people can get divorced. The fact that the Rabbanim will often tell people to get divorced proves that it is not against the Torah to do so.
As a community, we have to do what we can to prevent these situation from arising in the first place. Whether it is true or not that most divorces could have been prevented at the point at which they happen, it certainly is true that there are many things that can be done ahead of time to lower the divorce rate.
For example:
a) people should be taught how to recognize signs of abuse before they start dating.
b) people should be taught how to deal with conflict.
c) people should be taught communication and relationship skills.
d) Courses on these topics should be taught in high school and seminary.
e) Chasson and Kallah teachers should be trained in these areas.
f) Before people get married, they should be told about some of the issues that may come up in marriage and what to do about them.
g) There should be people available whom chosson and kallahs can turn to for advice and support during Shana Rishona.
No matter what is done, there will always be divorces and there will always be people who should get divorced until Mashiach comes, but there are preemptive measures that can be taken to lower the divorce rate. And that should be what we are working on as a community (and I think it is being done).