+1 lilmod ulelamaid for EVERYTHING that you said today!!!
“But the general rule is that one is not allowed to choose to go through gehinnom in this world, and if you do, you will not be rewarded for it, and you may even be punished. “
~Wow, you put it so well! Thank you for explaining.
Also, this reminds me of a shiur that I heard where the rabbi said that we are not supposed to rely on miracles (well-known).
What was new (and maybe less well-known) is that if Hashem does give us a miracle (like miraculously turning an spouse who abuses into a mentch without that spouse doing intensive self-work over a long period of time), there will be a physical or spiritual consequence on the person who is experiencing the miracle.
If Hashem has to alter nature for someone to such an extent, then that person will become weaker for a certain amount of time, and/or in a different way.
That’s why rabbis at times have to be careful about their brachot, since giving someone a big brachah can take its toll on the rabbi.