My parents divorce was the best thing for me. The daily one-sided screaming and anger stalled. Finally quiet. Finally seeing my parent regain strength. My parents fought for me. I’m so blessed that the custody people heard me out and sided with the non-screaming parent. It was the first step in knowing that there was a way to a better place.
In part, because my parents stayed so long in that situation, that dynamic became normal looking to me. So with therapy, I have come to see similar patterns in friendships and relationships that aren’t healthy. I don’t want to be yelled at.
Besides the parents, children’s personalities are affected. They take on roles. Some become perfect and untouchable, seeking external validation. Others become like caretakers to the abused parent. Still others side with the abuser and blame the abused parent. This is real stuff. Look it up.
Google the affects of abuse on children. The roles that children play. Some take responsibility for the abuser, trying to make it their job to make things okay. I used to always apologize about my parent’s behavior. If something happens even now I find myself apologizing to strangers. That spills over in other places. I have to be mindful. Rewriting the past.
Better for children to see parents overcoming despite divorce than drowning in a hopeless marriage. With my parents there was no room for making it work. It didn’t work from the start and the love was based on conditonal expectations.
Surely my story isn’t unique