Lightbrite:
I don’t know all the details of your personal experience. However, from the facts you provided, I’d like to comment that things are not as black and white as you tend to portray it. There is usually not one abuser and one quiet sufferer. If the silent spouse would communicate better with the ‘abuser’ spouse, and work things out (even if not equally fair), then most probably the ‘abuser’ spouse would not be yelling. I know of marriages where one spouse is very aggressive, and the other spouse learned how to accommodate him/her and they are very happily married with no yelling at all. So, please don’t paint one spouse totally white while painting the other totally black.
If we believed more in the sanctity of marriage and that Hashem gives everyone different nisyonos, then there would be far less broken homes and far more happy and stable marriages.