Reply To: Can an Emotional Connection Be Created- Shidduchim

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Lilmod Ulelamaid

Don’t you have to feel some connection to the person before you can marry them?

I never understood how people could say that it’s impossible to like someone before you are married to them, but at some point I realized that these people who say “there’s no such thing as love before marriage” and “I wasn’t in love with my husband before we were married” must have just been defining their terms differently than I was, because it was clear from things they said that they did like their husband to some extent before they got engaged.

The idea that you can’t like someone until you are married to them never made sense to me. After all, there are a lot of people in the world whom I like even though I am not married to them.

And I don’t see how I can marry someone whom I don’t like. I don’t understand the people who have told me to marry guys whom I couldn’t stand being on a date with. You can’t marry someone whom you don’t like being with. I think that’s crazy.

I wonder if that’s one of the reasons for all the divorces. I can think of at least one person I know who got divorced for that reason. When I think of all the times when people tried hard to pressure me to marry someone I didn’t like, it’s reasonable to assume that has happened to others, and that some of them did give in to the pressure.