Reply To: Being rigid

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Lilmod Ulelamaid

LB- I see my life as being 100% to serve Hashem and so do many people I know. There are plenty of girls like that in the world, so that shouldn’t stop him from getting married. It sounds like he is just going out with the wrong type of girls.

I’m not sure if “living one’s life 100% to serve Hashem” necessarily equals “no internet use”, although they probably go together most of the time.

I definitely don’t think that “living one’s life 100% to serve Hashem” has to mean not recognizing that there are grey areas in life.

One grey area might be that while a particular person may be living his/her life 100% to serve Hashem, he/she feels that he/she needs to use Internet.

In any event, for this guy, living his life 100% to serve Hashem means not using Internet, and I don’t think he should compromise on that.

Sometimes a person may have to recognize that their spouse could be different than them is some ways and that is okay. But internet use is something that affects the whole household, so if that is important to him, I don’t think he should compromise on it.

I’m assuming that you are talking about girls who want to have internet in the house. But if you are referring to a girl who has the same basic goals in life as him, but does use internet now as a single girl but is willing to give it up when she gets married, then that is different. Likewise, if she uses it at work to some extent but is careful and again, is willing not to have it in the home.

In general, the extent to which someone should compromise on religious matters depends on so many factors – his age, how long he has been dating, whether it is reasonable to expect that he will find what he has been looking for, etc. It is a very individual decision involving many factors so I don’t know if anyone could really advise you regarding what someone else should do.

I am wondering why he is having a hard time finding girls who don’t use internet? Is he in the wrong circles? Are the shadchanim not getting what he is looking for? Is he possuling any girl who ever uses internet (as opposed to girls who insist on having it in the home)?