“Where I think we disagree is that having fun together is bolstering the “non-platonic”ness of the relationship, just because the relationship will culminate in a non-platonic fashion (hopefully). One can and should bolster the “platonic” aspect of a relationship even when they are married (during certain times .)”
I don’t think things are so black and white – that something either is completely platonic or non-platonic. I thought that both aspects are usually there. Even when one is “bolstering the “platonic” aspect of a relationship” it doesn’t mean that it the relationship (at those times) is completely platonic.
The same would go with dating. I have always been told that any relationship between a male and female is by definition non-platonic which is also why I was under the impression that it is assur for men and women to talk to each other more than necessary. It doesn’t mean that it is completely non-platonic, but it is not completely platonic either (which would therefore make it non-platonic, since anything that is not completely platonic is non-platonic).
I very distinctly remember one of my Rebbeim (someone who was a known Talmid Chacham) saying, “There is no such as a platonic relationship.”