“but I’m wondering what the Torah position is when we think about it rationally, leaving our emotions aside.”
“Why would we cast aside our emotions when we are dealing with an emotional question?”
When you are trying to determine the Torah’s position, you must do so from a place of rationality. If you determine that the Torah’s position is that you use your emotions when dealing with your children, then you should use your emotions while dealing with your children. But while you are deciding what the Torah’s position is, you have to keep your emotions at bay.