This is probably not a novel idea, but in reading many of these postings, I thought of viewing the discussion of the four sons in the Haggadah as a metaphor: each of us is an amalgam of all four sons. We are at times wise, wicked, simple and entirely at a loss for words.
The Torah is our guide from wherever we are to where we need to be. Sometimes we need strong, maybe startling mussar, sometimes we just need to be pointed in the right direction and sometimes we need someone to accompany us every step of the way. Even if we’re not in that situation today, there’s no guarantee we won’t be tomorrow.
Perhaps the Torah (and, by extention, the Haggadah) couched these concepts in terms of “v’higaddetta l’bincha” and “ki yishalcha bincha”, first, because sometimes it’s far easier to accept that others are in dire need of guidance than to recognize that need in ourselves and, secondly, to help us be as dedicated and self-sacrificing addressing those (our) needs as we are towards the needs of our children.