RX, you’re for sure right that if you or I were a rabbi (well, I can’t be a rabbi and definitely do not want to be a rabbah or any such thing) or if we were someone who was considered learned enough that a suffering person would come to us for advice on how to manage their situation, then I am sure we would take that person’s personal situation into consideration and help them struggle through the issue, but I don’t think we would give platitudes about having “emuna”.
What you said about “not knowing why” is the key. We are lowly people compared to HKB”H and cannot possibly think that we can understand all of the aspects of the situation, including potentials for the future that we can know nothing about, that He has taken into consideration before afflicting this person with this seemingly terrible situation. Appreciating the gadlus of the Borei Olam could be the first step to this.
LB, perhaps you would considering learning the 6 Constant Mitzvos which is something that was developed by R’ Noach Weinberg, zt”l, the founder of Aish HaTorah. I’m sure there are learning links through Aish’s site that deal with this material. It’s amazing stuff!! And it’s for women, too!!!