It is true that you need support. Unfortunately, you most likely need a different type of support than you think. You straight away absolve yourself of blame saying frei out for all sorts of reasons, but you and other parents are not to blame. You need to get real. In an overwhelming percentage of cases the reason children leave the frum lifestyle is because of their experiences at home and at school. And as far as school is concerned, that is ultimately the achrayus of the parents too. The number one thing you should be doing is reaching out for support, to someone that can help you and your spouse examine what went wrong and how iyH you can fix it. I hope it is not too late for you but if you bury your head in the sand you will most likely lose your child. Take it fromsomeone who fried out and fell to low places and who’s friends all did the same, and who now works with young men and women who are themselves falling through the cracks rachmana letzlan because their parents go around looking for everyone and everything to blame but won’t accept responsibility that they are the real problem.
Hatzlacha.