OhTeeDee:
You misunderstood me, and I want to clarify my statement. I did NOT mean kiruv as exactly that which is done with baalei teshuvah who come from non-frum backgrounds. In fact, there was a presentation at an AJOP Convention quite a few years ago in which the panel of presenters drew many contrasts between the two.
I used the word kiruv in the sense as it is opposite of richuk. We may disagree with the choices of our children, but we must maintain unconditional love. That includes a child who is behaving in ways that are so opposite of ours that we can be disgusted by it. How about the vulgarity and chutzpah? Each parent will develop their own formula, but it cannot include rejection as that seals the fate for the child. In a much more global sense, Klal Yisroel is an OTD child of HKB”H. Just listen to the viduy we recite in tachanun, in selichos, and on Yom Kippur. But HKB”H continues to provide us with so much. Have we had a simcha lately? Have we achieved something lately? Are we making parnosoh? Etc. Yes, the מודים אנחנו לך that we repeat thrice daily is truth. But with our aveiros, should we not be rejected, and distanced from any of His graces? Answer – that is not the way of a parent. A parent does not reject. Punish – sometimes. In the case of HKB”H, everything is chesed. Yes, 100% of everything. Maybe not packaged that way, but the best for us.
You are correct in noting that the traditional “kiruv” would be provocative to the OTD child. I could explain this in greater length. I used the word to refer to the unconditional love that HKB”H showered on Klal Yisroel after the sin of the eigel, the worst situation for Klal Yisroel. he never stopped giving us מן, and there was uninterrupted באר של מרים and ענני הכבוד. That is a parent, never rejecting, always supportive.