Sitting shiva is for someone that died, not someone that is sick. The children we are addressing today are suffering. There have been many labels used for these kids, OTD, at-risk, KIPs. KIP stands for Kids In Pain. They are suffering, usually far more than their parents are. How they got there may make for an interesting study, and there are rarely cases that are identical, just as everyone has their own, unique fingerprints. I have commented in other threads that the single universal ingredient for all of these kids is REJECTION. Different flavors perhaps.
We are far more capable than ever in our history, though perhaps more resistant to the idea, of loving these kids, accepting them without necessarily approving of their behavior, and including them in Klal Yisroel. Ultimately, we do not know why this happened to our family. Gedolei Yisroel have made comments on this. The Steipler ZT”L suggested that these are nisyonos for us, and we will never be capable of grasping why. Do we understand gilgulim, often jumping over many generations? Are we being given the nisayon of Sinas Chinom – Ahavas Chinom? Maybe. Should we not try to pass it? I would give my maximum. I bet it sometimes gets really hard. I may need to lean on others, get chizuk, even therapy. As long as I do not see the child as dead, I will love him/her, include them in the family, and see them as a precious neshomoh who is struggling and suffering. I would want HKB”H to do that for me when I struggle.
I know a parent whose kid was acting out in all sorts of ways. He or his wife regularly prepared his negel vasser, even though he was sleeping late (having watched movies for many hours of the night), and might not be putting on tefillin. He is gainfully employed, keeping Shabbos today. he was never lost, just in pain.