CTL: First, Mazel tov on the chasunah and may the chupah be bshah tova umitzlachos and that the chosson and kallah should be zocheh to build a Bayis ne’eman b’yisorel lsheim lishilah u’lisifares.
Second, yes I agree we have to live within our means. I had long discussions with my rav as to what he thought we should agree to buy based on our financial situation. We did not go for the $100/plate that you sited above. We also don’t have a place as you do to make our own but we thought about it. This is why many are opting to hold weddings in Lakewood to hold down costs or to accept reasonable packages from the New York based catering halls.
I agree with your statement “People must understand that NO gift can be a must. There are traditions, period.” In my family, leichters are bought for the kallah, usually paid for by the chosson’s side unless someone on the kallah’s side insists on paying for it.