@jospeh: I think you missed my point. Setting up a traditional person with a yeshivish person is out of a ball park. But we often overlook potential shidduch ideas just becuase they didn’t go to the same type of yeshivas or seminarys or because their families didn’t grow up the same way. It is these boxes that are problematic. Like I said, no one would have set up my husband and I because of this reason.
@ daasyochid: Yes There is only one problem. As a health care provider we are always digging for the problem while obviously focusing on the symptoms.
The problem/ crisis: Bad attitudes, selfishness, lack of ahavas yisroel
The symptoms: jewish mothers basing their sons shidduch options based on pictures, seminaries, money etc. Girls not getting many dates because they often don’t fit categories (BT, not rich, not pretty in a picture, job is too secular etc.), pressure to do things and not say certain things (about past, family, extended family etc.) just to get a shidduch. Or to go back to your first post on this thread: Girls not getting shidduch suggestions, The over all large number of singles who wish they were married (both boys and girls), The over all large number of singles who aren’t going out, Specific characteristics or circumstances of all singles who aren’t getting shidduch suggestions, The agmas nefesh felt by all singles because they aren’t married/aren’t getting shidduch suggestions/aren’t going out
Solution: If the shidduch resume took out the high school, summer camp and sibling information and instead posted a solid blurb written by the single about their values, hashkafa, hobbies and what they are looking for in a soulmate. Take out the picture and let people decide in person if they are attracted. The rest usually irrelevant information can be found out on the dates to add to building a relationship through conversing with one another.
Solution: Stop calling girls who aren’t married by 23 old. Find love and respect for them as you would a 20 year old married girl. Don’t blame them for doing school during the past 4 years trying to pursue a career-
they dated and it didn’t work. Dating isn’t a skill, its a gift from Hashem. A girl who gets married at 19 isn’t more skilled than one who gets married at 26. We need to stop showing more respect for married young girls vs. their single counterparts, if we spread the love and repect it might help single girls feel more loved and accepted.
Solution: Telling girls they should use the picture they look skinnier in (even if they aren’t happy with how they look), because boys like skinny. That is flat out body shaming and cause real emotional and physical issues for our future jewish mothers.
Solution: Normalizing being single because crisis or no crisis there will always be singles unfortunalty. And may I add a side point. Judaism rightfully is hyperfocused on marriage as a central tenet to our lives. The pressure that girls feel is insane to to reach “the finish line”. If they don’t ake that finish line by 22 they are left out from the conversations everyone is having- shetials, babies, rings, husbands. If we make it normal to invite them over for shabbos despite the fact that we are married and have married frineds now, shows them you still care about them.