I agree with SYAG that the main issue is a lack of Emunah. I am not sure whether or not her reasoning is the same as mine, but I will explain what my theory is:
I do not have a problem with people trying to come up ways to TRY to alleviate the shidduch crisis (or any other crisis, whether or not the term “crisis” is appropriate in the first place.) The problem is when people forget that all they are doing is hishtadlus and that Hashem is the ONLY factor involved in anything that happens. Everything else is hishtadlus, PERIOD.
Hishtadlus does not cause things to happen. Only Hashem causes things to happen. When people say that “x” is THE reason why something is happening, and doing Y will solve the problem, that is a gross lack of emunah.
Do your hishtadlus, but don’t forget that that is not the issue nor is it the solution.
I don’t know the reasons why Hashem does things, but I have often wondered if the reason for the shidduch crisis and the kids-at-risk crisis is that Hashem is trying to show us that we are not in control.
We take too much for granted. When someone doesn’t get married, we say, “What is the reason for it? What went wrong?” Chazal say that making a shidduch is as difficult as splitting the sea. We should not be asking, “Why isn’t Chanie married yet?” We should be asking, “Why is Rivky married? How did that happen? That is such a nes!”
The problem with our generation is that we think we are in control. When something doesn’t go the way we expect, we are shocked! And our reaction is, “What should we do now?”
We should not be shocked when things don’t go the way we planned – we should be shocked when they do! And when they don’t, our reaction should not be, “What should WE be doing (on a practical level)? Our reaction should be to remember that HASHEM is in control and not us! And maybe that is what He wants us to learn from it.
Yes, we should try to do what we can – but remember that while hishtadlus is important, all it is is hishtadlus! Only Hashem makes things happen. Our reaction should be to remember that it’s a NES when people get married and it is min hashamayim, and what we need to do is to work on our Emunah and Bitachon and our tefilos and figuring out what SPIRITUAL areas we need to work on. And it certainly should NOT be to think that we are in control and we can SOLVE the problem.
So do your hishtadlus – but don’t call it THE SOLUTION. And as you do your hishtadlus, remember that the Mesilas Yesharim says that hishtadlus is muchrach (necessary) but not mo’il (the cause). Don’t pretend that you know the cause or the solution.
And take this as an opportunity to remind yourself that Hashem is in control. And turn to Him to help you figure out what you should be working on in the Spiritual Realm – since that is the only real solution.