Reply To: Can a man be STUCK in a marriage?

Home Forums Family Matters Can a man be STUCK in a marriage? Reply To: Can a man be STUCK in a marriage?

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The little I know
Participant

Yes. And women can be stuck in a marriage, too. There is no gender issue with this – there are people who just won’t end a marriage, for any of a variety of reasons. Haimy noted quite accurately that there is only a little discussion of this topic in general terms that is worthwhile. It will not accomplish much for someone reading and wondering about him/herself, or someone close to them who may be in such a situation. I am no fan of medical advice on the internet, but this has even less value.

There are marriages that linger on in misery. Discussions don’t help much. And many don’t progress in therapy because of the deep resistance that some may have to change. And there are marriages that just cannot succeed because of the chemistry. Some people learn to live with adverse situations, while others cannot tolerate it.

People consult with rabbonim all the time, and some are capable of giving advice in this area while others (with the best of intentions and massive scholarship in Torah) are unable to be useful. There are times when the status quo won’t budge until there is the equivalent of brute force. One party moves out, consults with a beis din, takes a lawyer, etc. The result is most often a more bitter situation than before, and the sparring over kids, money, etc. can escalate. Sooner or later, these marriages do end, after lots of money has been spent on the haggling (beis din, toanim, lawyers, etc.)

Here are a few generalities. Specific advice or direction needs to come from a thorough picture of the case from someone experienced and trained.