David, I am very sorry for your situation – it must be a living nightmare. Do you have children? Do you have custody? It seems that the vindictiveness is on your wife’s side (purely based on what you have said.) but please consider what is best for your children. I’m sure you are listening to your Rav…does he say go for HMR? If so, what happens then?
You seem to be an Agun, but you may have a way out. I hope she will wake up one day very soon & realize it’s in her best interests to accept the Get. Good luck.