mdd1:
Your problem is that you know nothing about the metziyus of the problem. These are not baalei aveiroh at all. These are people suffering from a dreaded disease. They are reacting with psychiatric symptoms to events and situations that drove them to rebel or escape. They are running away from people like you who consider everything they do an aveiroh. As a choleh, which is how Gedolei Yisroel recognize the problem, they are not responsible. It is then an aveiroh to treat them as chot’im. There is a chiyuv to be mekarev them and help them do teshuvah.
Yes, I know a whole lot about Pinchos and Zimri. Zimri was not a choleh. He was a baal aveiroh. And Pinchos knew that, and had the capacity to recognize it. He was the grandson of Aharon Hacohen who knew more about making shalom than you or I will ever be able to grasp. And Pinchos reached a non-impulsive decision, which even Moshe told him was a הלכה ואין מורים כן, that it cannot be carried out as an instruction but rather by the tacit recognition that this was needed.
Until you understand something about the OTD problem being rooted in an emotional situation, all the rest of your arguments are irrelevant. And the Gedolei Yisroel that all say this have reached their conclusions based on having learned to recognize the experience of these kids. Sure, it is unpleasant to see your own child violating Shabbos, dressing in ways that are grossly different from your mesorah, and acting out in ways that are hair raising. But they are sick, not evil. They are not apikorsim at all.
Now picture the coming of Moshiach, where he will be searching the corners of the world for the Yidden, children of the Avos, to gather together and bring to Eretz Yisroel. And you will volunteer to ride shotgun and throw out some of these precious neshamos, who suffered in their illnesses. Is that what you hope to do? How about those who toil relentlessly to restore the cleanliness of these neshamos, all from the same חלק אלוק ממעל as you, me, the rest of Klal Yisroel? They get first class rides and special schar for working to complete the family of Hashem Yisborach, לבל ידח ממנו נדח.
Lastly, HKB”H never employed you to enforce his halachos. He did give you a mitzvah of הוכח תוכיח, but not to ostracize or punish anyone. Have you ever had a child of yours that was sick ח”ו? Did you toss him/her out with the garbage at curbside, or did you go to the doctor? If the child engaged in behaviors that were upsetting to you, did they get taken back to the hospital for a refund? Are any of your children more or less of your child? That statement of yours is absurd, and has never been acceptable by anyone with a minimum of Torah achievement. Who can you quote that would ever support that ridiculous statement – that an OTD kid is less child to HKB”H? Just one reputable name?