Avram:
You wrote: ” Parents who have no boundaries are not parents. They are avoiders and negligent.”
I completely agree with you. Parents are obligated to teach their children boundaries. Successful parents manage this well. Others do not.
You have drawn a parallel between absence of boundaries and rejection. They are definitely not the same. The ultimate rejection, which is what the Satmar publication advocates is something I will never accept. Neither would the Divrei Yoel, and countless other rabbonim and gedolim. And, no, I do not have any “straw” gedolim. I presented enough references from seforim to review and see the statements in print. And there are other seforim I have not yet seen.
The question we need to ask is what do we do with a child that failed to learn boundaries and expects to violate them in the home. This is certainly a problem. The dismissive “throw him out, and do not ever allow him to be recognized as having done teshuvah and returned” is not acceptable. If this individual had explored other ideologies and left Yiddishkeit for any of these, we are dealing with a kefira issue. I would never publish the psak from Satmar Dayanim to be lifted and implemented, as it is dinei nefashos, and each case needs to be investigated individually. I do not think it could never be accurate, but would need a separate diyun before implementing. The Rebbe of Kotzk stated clearly that “Not everything that is said should be written. Not everything that is written should be published.” That’s the story here.
I completely believe that the overwhelming percentage of OTD kids leave the fold because they are escaping, not because of some intellectual attraction to something else. That does not qualify for the metziyus of kefira, and their psak is not relevant.