zahavasdad,
Who said you bought a TV, I just said they were watching TV (Or Netflix) an 18 year can have their own money and spend as they want. They could have a TV or netflix that you did not purchase
That’s 100% true. As the manager of the house, however, I have a say about what items are allowed into the house, where they are allowed to be used, and I also manage the WiFi password and settings. If devices connected to the WiFi are causing upsetting disruptions to the Shabbos peace in the home, the WiFi may need to be unplugged from Friday afternoon until Saturday night. If there is no apparent disruption, I don’t see a need to add an additional task to the Friday checklist of stuff to do. At the end of the day, what boundaries I choose to set should be based on maximizing everyone’s health and safety, including the “OTD” child, and the choice would involve extensive thought and discussions with a rav very familiar with my family. And I’m certainly willing to talk everything through with a family counselor, to make sure that everyone feels heard and understood. I would hope that I would have sought outside resources long before the situation reaches such a point.
I’m curious how far you think this right of a child to do whatever he wants in your house, nyah nyah nyah, goes. Would you allow a child to just go and buy a cat and bring it into your house no matter what you think? What if you or one of your other children was allergic to cats? Would you let him commit crimes from within your house? Also, would you think restrictions on Netflix or phone usage would be so unreasonable if, instead of Shabbos, we were talking about overnight usage before a school day? Should your 16 year old be allowed to tappity tap all night on a phone and sleep through class the next day?
A non shomer shabbat kid is going to do something Mechalal Shabbos either in front of you or behind your back
I am not a TSA agent and my home is not an airport security checkpoint. At the end of the day, however, I am responsible for everyone’s physical, emotional, and spiritual safety in the home.
and what if the kid says to you I am going to watch a movie on Netflix and if you dont agree , I am going “somewhere else”. No he wasnt Mechalel shabbos in your house, he was Mechalal shabbos elsewhere
Sounds like a child with serious perspective and maturity issues. If we’re talking about an adult child, I cannot stop him, and I’d remind him that we love him and are always here for him, and he’s always welcome. If it’s a minor child – the home is not a prison, but since we are responsible for his safety and well being, we expect him back at so-and-so a time. And if I have reason to be concerned about his safety and I cannot find him, I will call the police.