GAON,
“Of course it all depends on the “good kid” as well. i.e. if the fact that he didn’t get his breakfast is by no way effecting anything in the long run”
Absent having prophecy, there is no way for anyone to know this.
“if the “bad brother” would be ‘physically’ ill and needs extra care etc. and the well brother needs the exact above scenario – is the above excuse legit? No doubt, you can absolutely tell him: “sorry your breakfast money went toward your brother’s meds etc”.”
I would never tell a child that I cannot provide something for him because of his brother’s medical condition. And if you respond that I can do the same by the OTD brother’s support, au contraire. Disparities in material support and attention given among siblings is way more concrete and apparent to children than medical support stressing an entire family’s resources. And the siblings can see (and be reminded) that the medical condition was not the sick child’s choice to have, and the suffering R”L is more visible. Even if the OTD child faced nisayonos in his life or has a personality disorder of some sort, he is in control of his choices.
Furthermore, I dispute the notion that unconditional support for a child’s choices (note I did not say unconditional love) is ever an advisable course of action. I have never encountered a parenting philosophy that presents that as a good idea, outside of this “twisted” parenting as presented in this thread.
“Now of course each and every case is different and needs to be guided and diagnosed properly, if that is indeed the case of the “bad” kid.”
I agree.