“Because learning doesn’t come naturally to me.
I get virtually no enjoyment from it.
It just doesn’t flow.”
Dont be nervice “metoch sheho ein lishma ba lishma”….. just continue having a daily learning seder each day after work and when the right time comes Hashem will make you come to love learning torah & understand it quicker & on a higher level, we just have to do our hishtadlus.
Hope you find a shidduch soon & also come to understand torah & learning very soon.
May Hashem answer all your tefillos