Joseph, the Shulchan Aruch is guidance. The Rebbeim consider this important guidance but it’s not the final word. I have experience and have advocated in this area. As long as the wife states the husband is controlling, verbally abusive, short-tempered, curses at her, prone to violence and/or cheap, the Rebbeim and butei dinim will not turn the wife’s request down. The husband will be ordered to provide a Get along with adequate financial support. The husband can deny any and all charges until he’s blue in the face. It doesn’t matter. It’s not going to change the outcome. I know what you’re saying. It’s not fair to the husband who isn’t all that bad and not doing any of these bad things. The goal is to alleviate the wife’s suffering. She’s suffering in a marriage she doesn’t want to be in. It’s not some man’s job to tell her it’s not the husband’s fault. These men can’t force a wife to stay in a relationship she feels is abusive.
