As a family law attorney who has handled divorce, custody, educational plans, etc. for more than 35 years, I agree with Singlemomof4.
BTW>>>this does not apply just to the frum community and their schools.
It is more work for a school to handle divorced parents than married ones. Communication must often be made with both parents using time and resources. Duplicative parent meetings, PPTs, etc. have to be scheduled. Kids that have divorced parents with shared custody often arrive in school without certain items and tell the teacher/administration: ‘I stayed at mommy’s last night and my science things are at Daddy’s”
Staff resents the extra time they must expend on these students and double parent communication…for which they receive no extra money. Often times they must prepare reports for the family courts, Department of Social Services, etc.
The frazzled single parent with custody may be overburdened and the kids come in unprepared, homework not done, etc.
That same single parent generally has a lower income than married parents and may not be able to afford all the supplies, etc. The teachers will try to save the children from embarrassment by reaching into their own pockets to provide things…but under or late paid teachers cannot do much of this.
The single parent is less likely to be able to volunteer time for school committees/PTSO/room mother, chaperone, etc.
AND: the single parent is less likely to afford tuition/donations to private schools/yeshivos.
Say what you may, the administration in most schools favor those children whose parents are able to write large checks and require no scholarship money.
When my eldest grandson was in 4th grade, he came home from day school and asked me: Zaidy, how come I always am given brand new books at school and certain children are given old beat up books? This favoritism by economic status is reprehensible. I pushed for required school uniforms including shoes so that there would be no social pressure on how to dress. Mrs. CTL runs a backpack program at the local day school. She and her committee raise the funds and purchase and distribute backpacks to all elementary students that contain the same set of school supplies, no student should feel ashamed or second class. The parents of means tend to donate the full cost plus of the backpack to the committee and make sure their children don’t come in better equipped.
We live in a cruel world of harsh economic reality. Teachers and administrators do see who is the child of divorce, who is a scholarship or free lunch student, what vehicle the child alights from at school and it does color the treatment the child may receive.