For the most part we dont have a shidduch crisis.
However many shidduchim dont even get off the ground ,because many questions are asked in a way with not much seichel . There is a way to ask and then theres a way to ask and then for many question you can get 100 andwers and all answers are true.
Use your god given brains before you undertake the task of setting a couple . And yes im referring to seasoned shadchonim too.
For example,
Here is a list of mostly rediculous questions:
How do people perceive him/her?
What does s/he do in spare time (for boys in learning: bein hazmanin, bein hasedarim)?
What are his/her real values? Give examples.
What is his/her biggest mailah (strongest point)? Best middos?
Is s/he the type of boy(girl) that will do anything for a friend? Ask for examples
Scale of 1-10 is s/he warm/giving?
Scale of 1-10, reserved or outgoing? Serious or funny?
What type of friends does s/he have? Are they into fashion? Sophisticated? Is s/he also like that?
Attitude towards money?
What are his/her practices about: watching movies? Videos? Using the internet? Smart phone?
Does he/she care how he/she keeps his/her room? Messy or neat?
Does s/he clean up after him/herself? Does s/he help at home?
How does s/he interact with parents? Are they respectful or adversarial?
What does he do in his spare time?
Does he Drive aggressively?
How does he deal with frustration?
Does he lose his temper?
Is he cynical?
Character Traits
Baal middos? Mensch? Kind, Helpful? Considerate of others? What makes you say that?
Is he honest? Have you ever heard him say something not true?
Is he responsible?
How does he socially and emotionally interact with friends & rebbeim?
Sociable/ gregarious or constantly immersed in his seforim?
In regard to roommates: is he considerate, quiet, personal hygiene?
Is he a doer? Is he always busy taking care of things? Or does he focus more on his own learning?
Frumkeit
Does he have a Rav/Rebbe whom he respects? To whom he asks his questions?
Is he on time to davening most of the time?
How long is he planning to learn?
How seriously does he take his learning?
Is he in the beis medrash on time? Or more relaxed about attendance?
Current Status
Is he is employed? Studying for a degree? Where? What are his career plans?
If he is not in Bais Medrash fulltime, does he have a learning schedule?
Questions Regarding Girls
“How does she dress?” “Describe what she wears?” rather than “Does she dress with tzniyus?”
Is she flexible/go with the flow?
How much time does she spend with makeup/clothes, etc?
Is she punctual?
Describe relationships with family members
Is she helpful in the kitchen, around the house?
What does she do with her spare time?
What could you tell me about her davening?
Why type of chessed is she involved in?
Is she looking for a short or long term learner? A guy with a plan? Or, someone currently employed?
What are her plans regarding working?
Would she give her family priority over her career?
If the girl is known as a successful Morah, this is already a significant character endorsement, since the students reject teachers who have major faults.
Asking for clothing size gives a message about the priorities of the boy, perhaps better avoided.
About the Parents/Home
Ask shul members or neighbors how they perceive the parents: easy going or difficult? controlling? happy?
Do they seem to get along well with people?
Is there shalom bayis?
How is the household run, is it hefker or are parents involved in children’s lives?
Are they generous? With their time for children and giving what their children need, or are they too generous, giving more than they need?
Are parents overly involved their adult childrens’ lives? What makes you say that?
Are the living standards very high or low? Ask for concrete examples, since this area is very subjective. Parents need to consider if their child would be able to handle this kind of living standard.
Is the father machshiv Torah?
How does the mother dress?
Are there genetic health issues?